Before I started my husband finding mission, I was single for a very long time. And a year later at 40, I find myself single again. But, my theory on a perfect love and relationship hasn't changed.
They say that relationships take work. They also say that if you do what you love, then you won't work a day in your life. And to me, a relationship should be doing what you love. My main purpose in a relationship is to love and support my partner. And as long as he feels the same way, we should be fine. Yet, somehow all of that gets so muddy.
As humans, we are all flawed individuals. We come to any relationship with our baggage. Some baggage might be more than others. In a perfect world, we'd be able to check our baggage at the door. But in the real world, we wear our baggage like a second skin. Sometimes we shed that skin, sometimes that skin callouses.
We enter a new relationship the way we always do, all starry-eyed and in love. We pledge our undying devotion to one another and can't even imagine having any fights, let alone ever seeing our lives without the other person in it.
I was listening to the Brene Brown's Ted Talks, "The Power of Vulnerability" and in her talk she says (and I'm paraphrasing quite a bit) that those who feel most worthy of love and belonging are those who are loved and belong...something along that line. And it made me think of myself. I am very fortunate enough to have been raised with both parents in the house. My parents are still married, and some people would call me a unicorn for that reason.
Being vulnerable might be one of the most difficult things that we have to do in order to ensure a successful relationship. Yet for some of us, we keep our walls up as if for our very survival. We don't see or understand that we get in the way of our own happiness. We end up sabotaging what we want most by pushing it away.
I like to say that relationships are like trying to navigate through a room in the dark trying to get to the other person. We call out to our partner. We bump into furniture and get bruises in the process. But, we keep making our way through that room, at times there are cracks of light that allow us to see so that we can find the other person. Other times, it feels like there are too many obstacles and the pain is too much. So, we give up, never truly coming together.